Banished Monthly

The myths and mystery's around menstrual period can be gathered from around the world as this is the one thing that I feel had caught the attention of the entire world in some or the other way.
Well it must be cos menstruation, fertility, pregnancy and menopause are the only reasons for the human life on this planet. So if it had garnished publicity when the science and physiology behind it was unknown, then it was a wonderful thing as it is always said as curiosity being the mother of invention.
People from all over the world were awed by their own bodies and some considered it a boon while some feared it.
Later on when they realized that our life was surviving on this planet only because the females were healthily menstruating, few celebrated the occasion while few wanted to protect themselves, their wife's or daughters from evil eyes and the apparent stress and agony associated with it. So the monthly cycle of the blood flow was indeed a regular thing which was highly needed.
So came the mighty legends associated with the bloody days. Few followed Chaupadi pratha, few celebrated the first bloom, few even drank the menstrual blood (ew, but truly few drank it along with wine and other concoctions) for a healthy life and many more things whatever felt right for them at that time.

So coming to our community, I am restricting to India in general but maybe more specified towards Hindu culture especially in South India.

So apparently ages before, our ancestors had a tradition of showing off to the world that their girl became fertile and was ready to be a mother. They were so naive, the only purpose in their life was to grow big, get married, have children, help them grow big, get them married, grow old and die eventually (ok not naive but i guess an intelligent thing to do at that time, so that the human race doesn't go extinct- Darwins theory of survival, i guess). So when they organized a huge party to show off their fertile girl to their whole community, their reason for celebration and joy was justified. They were ecstatic that their child was fertile and not barren and that their family had a future. They were in fact brilliant to have found a way to get the girl married by throwing a grand function for menarche and I totally appreciate they did justice to whatever the situations were.
  
But following that tradition after centuries, when people don't even have a right to get a girl married before she is 18, showcasing to the whole world that she bloomed or to put it appropriately menstruated, if not called foolishness what else would you call it. Embarrassing a girl who already is unaware as to what's happening to her body, is in my opinion not a tradition but a way to show to the world that you are dumb.

In those days, as they felt the girl was so fragile as she loses a lot of blood and many even complained of severe pain and restlessness, they made it a custom that the girl was to be freed of all the household duties and be kept in a separate room for the 3 days every month. So that she wouldn't be stressed further. Though they dint completely know the physiology behind but they managed to find a solution by banishing the girl for those days.
Maybe as the hygiene wasn't maintained well as they dint yet invent the mighty tampons or the sanitary pads, the girls weren't even allowed to touch food items, or pickles or enter kitchen or go to temples. Obviously as the tampons weren't available there was always a fear of staining and hence if stained in a public place especially temple, the girl would herself be embarrassed and would even result in embarrassment to the public and the cleaning of the temple or the premises would have to be carried out.
So what they did was totally justified when no information, no sanitary measures or no medication for PMS was available.

But how on earth would you justify these things continuing till date. Why are we still banished from praying, cooking or entering temples till date. We do in this generation fly, operate machinery, create applications, operate and save lives, do social service, rule the nations, give speeches, go on a holiday and do almost everything even in those days,like we do daily. Do we take leave from work or studying, then why do we still not enter temples during those days?

Why is it still followed. The best thing about our culture or traditions is that it is flexible. We do not impose things and never kill for not following them. So these practices we follow are just because we are not ready to accept the change. We still feel that we are impure those 3 days so we ourselves abstain self, our kids and even our grand-kids from entering holy places.
So lets educate the uneducated, lets make people who impose these things understand why these restrictions were followed then and why needn't be followed now.
Lets stop banishing the girls monthly at-least in this century and thereafter.

Gender Inequality- Post Marriage

'We're so glad that we are blessed with a baby girl'
'We don't care if it is a boy or a girl, we just hope for a healthy baby'
'hamare ghar to lakshmi virajman hai, hamare ghar beti hui hai'

Oh so sweet.
We often hear such phrases and feel good about such a change in society, such noble thoughts!
Really! Accepting a girl child equally to a boy child happily is a thing of rejoice right!!
Girls were never worthy of bringing joy to parents face but now everyone is doing a favor by accepting them equally. Kudos! Calls for a celebration right?

Great at-least, we in the cities feel that there is no gender discrimination, no inequality.
We are all equal, but till when?

We are all equal till a day comes when the parents think of getting the girl married.
Every girl has butterflies in her tummy whenever her parents would discuss the matter. Feeling jubilant whenever her parents would ask if she has anyone in her mind who she felt would be an appropriate partner. They are so cool right and maybe 90-95% of all the girls would agree that their parents are same to same...ditto!!!!
So, it's a happy affair of selecting and rejecting boys without giving any appropriate answer and still the girls parents would smile and say,
 "Its your wish my love, its after all your life and you must decide whats good for you".
Perfect. A day comes when the perfect guy is found and things get busy in shopping and getting prepared for the big day.

The D day comes, everything's lovely and the girl gets married in a grand way. band baaja baarat and all that!!
Oh my! the wedding vows, exchanging garlands, talambralu, arundhati nakshatram and everything about the Indian Hindu wedding is astonishingly beautiful.
Does anyone know the meaning of anything(we'll come to the rituals some other day). Maybe NO!! We just know that the entire family has been dreaming of this day and the day was right there.
Finally after all the tiring yet splendid rituals, the big day nears an ending and my girls mom comes to her and says
" My love, you've been a wonderful daughter and now its your turn to become a worthy daughter-in-law and a lovely wife"
She blushes and says, "You made me a capable person and person capable of handling any relation or facing any person in this world, you should trust me mommy"

How filmy right!!
Then the mom hands over her daughter's hands(literally) into her mother in laws(MIL) hands and says, 'now she is your responsibility. Love her as your own daughter, scold her when she falters and correct her as she needs your guidance. I'm giving my life to you, please take care of her'.
The girl laughs.
She would obviously say 'mom these are the words you say when you are on the death bed, god forbid if such a day should come'.
Silence prevails and she finally realizes that it was not a filmy drama going on, nut they were serious about all that crap.
She looks at her mom, who smiles, excuses from her MIL and tells "I know it must be difficult for you. I've raised you good and did not show any discrimination based on gender. But this is different, now you must go to your in-laws place and take care of your family. Now that is your family and finally we are freed of our responsibility".

Reality strikes her hard, not on the bum but in her heart. The things of inequality which she assumed prevailed only eons ago or kms away, but not in her home. then what was this?
She wonders teary eyed
"How is it not my life anymore?
How did my parents cease to be my family?
How did in a night my in-laws became my only family?
And how in gods name was I ever a responsibility who could be ridden off through marriage?"

The thing which hit her hard was that her mother who was proud of having a girl in her house could be capable of saying "mi illu" pointing towards her in-laws house. 
So that means there is an expiry date for gender equality or inequality in our country (I am least concerned about other countries).
Marriage. The day when a girl realizes she has never been equal to a boy. And that she was the burden even in this age, even to this date.

How did we accept the change in our attitudes when we could never complete it. It would have been better if we were made to believe right from birth that we can never be equal to a boy ever!!! And if you thought there was no difference then why in hells name is this discrimination cropping up now???

A girl has her parents, A boy has his parents.
Post marriage a girls family is the boys family and the boys family is the boys family?
(the girls ex-family, her parents become the ghost family, the invisible ones!!!)
The girls family sadly accepts this fact and the boys family happily accepts this fact.
(but such a sweet thing, everyone accepts it! Such Irony)
A girl's family visits the boys family and says," apni beti ke ghar ka paani bhi nahi peete hai hum"(wtf..possibly inspired from Balaji or was it already there?)
A boys family visits the girls family and make sure that they are treated with utmost respect and demand it if they deem anything unmatchable to their standards.
The boy pledges to stay with his parents as they are getting old and as he is responsible of taking care of them.
The boy makes sure the girl pledges the same. (well, her parents are getting younger by the day right!!)
The girl in her in-laws house (daily) cleans, washes, works, cooks, behaves and makes sure the house is tidy up to her MIL's standards and the boy makes sure she gets it right. (yes even if a maid is there to do those chores)
The boy in his in-laws house(once in a blue moon) eats, watches TV, sleeps till he snores and the girl should make sure that she, her mom, her dad stands up to the boys standards.

And If the boy and girl are staying abroad, then on a vacation to India,
The boy stays at his house for the entire duration.
The girl begs to stay at-least 2 days at her parents house. (few lucky people get to stay half of the days in her parents home. How blessed she must feel!!)

The boy spends how much ever he wishes on his parents and so should the girl.(well, not on her parents but his....remember its her family now!! How convenient)

Exceptions:
If a guy prefers to stay at his in-laws house for a time being, he is a 'ghar jamayi' and is considered worthless but a girl staying at her in-laws is considered well brought up and a perfect 'bahu' (my bad, no matter what she does, the term 'daughter in law'('bahu') and 'perfect' are sort of antonyms...perfect bahu is an oxymoron)
 {I've specifically mentioned this because due to this system even the guys are affected, maybe not to a considerable way but yes the people who have tried to change the system have been greatly affected}
Okay so the list goes on...showing the inequality which maybe no one considers inequality but just our culture. "The great 'age old' Indian traditions". I am not mocking the traditions per se, but yes to follow those traditions without any change till date is absurd.

So who is at fault? The girl/girls family/boy or the boys family??

I would rather not blame one person but would rather say that every single person who is allowing such things to happen, be it the doer or the bearer is equally responsible.

The girls parents who consider their daughter to be someone else's property are to blame. Yes!

If they would not consider that, then they would let their daughter and son-in-law start their own new family and if need be support either/both families when they are old or sick.
If not they would rather sit down with the boys family, plan a home which can become a new home for the entire families, the boys and girls. (Just imagine how it would be!!maybe the true meaning of a joint family)
They would never hesitate to enjoy the things the girl wishes to spend on them or if need be ask the girl for monetary or emotional support.
They would ask for their son-in-law to help out in the household chores without hesitation or second thoughts whenever there is a requirement.(without feeling, omg how can we ask our 'daamad' to do something except for to eat)
They would proudly say that they stay with their daughters family(without feeling what the society would think about them)

The girl is to be blamed for the inequality. oh yes sure!!

Do not get married if you do not find the guy who understands your feelings.
Make people understand how you feel before you commit to anything in a relation.
Be transparent to your in-laws. After all even they are human beings and luck might be that they have a daughter and might have faced these things too! You never know they might even understand you.
Talk your feelings out. Even if no one understands, take an oath that you would never repeat what you believe in.
And of all the things, stop believing that men and in-laws are superior to you and your parents. If you want equality grow up in your thinking and stop bearing. Step up and stop this chaos. Every mother or mother-in-law was once a daughter and daughter-in-law, so that means we ourselves are bringing this on us. Stop it before it seeps into our DNA(or has it already?)

The boy can not be spared from the blame game.

Come on guys, you know what all privileges you have in our society. How you can dominate in this part of the world over the women and almost everyone.
Yes, we know, when someone is offering a golden plate we would never settle for a wooden one. But grow up n think beyond. Saying things like I'm doing a bloody favor by letting you go to your mom's place, consider yourself lucky that my parents don't hit you, doesn't make you powerful.
The way you have your advantages and weakness, we have ours. No harm accepting them.
For once, think about the things your sister faced or imagine your daughter facing them. Why do you want to continue such hypocritical behavior.
Be the change you want to see in others. Before that, understand when a change is to be made. Enough of dominating us. We are working and earning at par with you. Why do you want to favor your parents and ditch your wife's parents. You can take a step ahead by making people understand that those traditions are meant to be ditched not to be carried on as a burden.

And the Boys parents can easily revamp this tradition from growing by taking the necessary steps, as they are the ones standing on the top of the hierarchy of the institution called as marriage.
When you are at the receiving end when getting the girl married, why do you want to be at the giving end while getting your boy married. Lets stop this Tit for Tat.

So finally this vicious cycle begins or to say ends here.

People abort girl child and want boys only because of this advantage what they will have in their lifetime after they get them married.
So if we start considering a girl equal to a boy even after marriage (the entire system of bidaai, staying in boys place, taking care of only boys parents and monetary, emotional benefits only to the boys side), then maybe this whole concept of girl child abortions, inequality to women, girl child poverty, illiteracy rate of girls and all such things will end. Seriously, think about it.
Is this the root cause of all the problems?
If it is, then what is stopping all of us from making it right?

Our Traditions? Oh yes the mighty weapon of ours.
Traditions(the term itself means to hand over, to transmit) as we all know were the beliefs or customs followed by our ancestors who passed them onto their next generations. They followed those beliefs when there was limited knowledge. The people who invented these traditions must be brilliant people because they made use of the resources and behaved accordingly. But what are we doing now, we can proudly accept technology, go to moon even mars, drive in flying cars, play games on tablets& x-box, communicate through smartphones, relax only in A/C, holiday in cruises, smoke n drink, and do many more things which our ancestors would never have dreamt of only because we consider it as growth. Then why the hell do we hesitate to break free the notions of the past?

Rather than fighting for Women Empowerment, lets fight to grow up our mentality and bring up our nation, Societal Empowerment. Things like providing reservation for women, more facilities, protection or other policies intending for women would only mask the problem not eradicate it. The root cause lies in our thinking, of not a particular person, but everyone.
Lets take an oath, lets pledge to change our thinking.

P.S: I know we have started to think beyond. No dowry, no sati, no physical violence and many more changes are being incorporated. But at what rate are we growing? Physical developments have been sky rocketing, at par with any other nation, then why hesitation in mental development.

Let us preserve our traditions but not blindly. Let us keep the essence intact but the substance can always be modulated.